Date A Man of Hope

Posted by ERIC SANTILLAN on

 

Date a man of hope. He will be a great companion. You can rant all you want, and he will be there to hold your hand. He will see things differently and give you perspective. You can tell him your problems, and he will listen to you, and while he may not have all the solutions, he knows there is one. In fact, he has this great skill to pause and ask himself whether what he’s hearing is his problem or not and if it’s not his problem, to have the strength and patience to listen without looking for solutions.

He will go through shit, and will probably be rattled at first, but will then find a way to pause and be okay. He will have the capacity to wait things out, the patience not to make any drastic decisions, and the belief that the story is not ended if the story is a tragedy so far.

He has wrestled with life but is so much better because of it. You will have your ups and downs, you will fight and get annoyed and hate each other’s guts, and sometimes you will forget why you love each other, but a man who hopes will hold on to you, because he knows things will get better, and you will both eventually remember.

A man who hopes already lives out the promise of “in sickness and in health till death do us part” in his life.

Commitments are made in hope–in promising to be together today, but also promising to be together even in a future you don’t really know and cannot really understand yet. Commitments have to be made in hope—because people change. And hope accepts change — even if the change looks bad at first.

He will make plans, but he is not rattled when things don’t go as he planned them. He looks like he’s in control, but he’s ok with not being in control. He lives in awe and wonder and has the capacity to be surprised. He lives life lightly and easily, sees the humour in every situation and will make you laugh at yourself, and himself.

During times of happiness, you’d want a man like that to be with you. But it is during times of pain and sadness that a man who hopes truly shines.

A man who hopes knows that while life is awful, it can also be awe-filled. A man who hopes does not see life as perfect and does not expect perfection out of life. He also does not expect perfection out of a partner because he does not expect perfection out of himself.

He has this great capacity to live in the tensions, and while he may fight uncertainty at first, he is eventually comfortable with it. He understands that there are some things he could not fully understand. For him, life is not black and white and either/or. He has the capacity to be vulnerable with the grey.

He knows that life is not just in the actual choosing, but in the weighing of options. He understands that you can learn more about life in the process, probably even more than in the destination. He may have a destination in mind, but the road is really made by walking it.

Because of this, he is compassionate and accepting of people. He does not impose himself on other people (although he can be very assertive as well) but believes in people’s capacity for compassion. He understands that people make mistakes, but he also knows that people are basically good-willed, if you let them. He is not idealistic, but he has ideals.

A man of hope is not always positive. But every time he feels bad, he has the capacity to self-edit and not talk about it (yet) so other people are not affected. He is strong enough to hold himself together and keep things to himself when needed, and not act on his emotions.

A man of hope is essentially a man of faith. He may not be religious, but he has a spiritual life. He believes that he is part of something bigger and that there is always something greater than him or you or the relationship you are both in. He knows that he is not the centre of the universe and the world does not revolve around him. He does not feel singled out when things don’t go his way. He does not go through life thinking he’s a victim of circumstance. He sees the potential for good in every situation. He has baggages, but he has found a way to gracefully live with them.

Date a man of hope.

He will let things slide because he knows that he does not have to win all battles. He does not have to win all arguments. He knows how to say sorry because he knows that while life is not perfect, both of you could make it better.

A man of hope knows how to imagine a better world. He is not blind to the events around him, but he knows that things will be better because he believes in a world that has a better record than the cynics will care to admit.

During times of sadness and loneliness and depression, you’d want a man like that to be with you.

Date a man of hope.

He is not a flash in the pan but will endure. He might not sweep you off your feet at the first instance, but you will love him during the good times, and during the bad times. And when you’re both old and gray, he will be there, right next to you, still holding your hand.

Date a man of hope (or better yet, marry him!).



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