intimacy

Date A Man of Hope

Posted by ERIC SANTILLAN on

Date A Man of Hope

  Date a man of hope. He will be a great companion. You can rant all you want, and he will be there to hold your hand. He will see things differently and give you perspective. You can tell him your problems, and he will listen to you, and while he may not have all the solutions, he knows there is one. In fact, he has this great skill to pause and ask himself whether what he’s hearing is his problem or not and if it’s not his problem, to have the strength and patience to listen without looking for...

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The Best (But Most Counter-Intuitive) Tip When Going through a Marriage Crisis

Posted by ERIC SANTILLAN on

The Best (But Most Counter-Intuitive) Tip When Going through a Marriage Crisis

If you’re going through a marriage problem right now, or have just gone through one, or are going through a major life transition, you might want to read this. The Context: Spirituality. I would like to begin by pointing out that the lens through which we discuss crisis is through spirituality. Not religion, but spirituality. Spirituality is bigger than religion. Spirituality reminds us that life is not random and that it doesn’t happen by chance. There is a pattern and purpose to our lives. But that pattern and purpose is often unidentifiable during happy times. More often than not, we...

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The Four Horsemen of Relationships: Predicting Divorce

Posted by ERIC SANTILLAN on

The Four Horsemen of Relationships: Predicting Divorce

In a landmark study mentioned in the Malcolm Gladwell book, BLINK, psychologist John Gottman studied hundreds of couples and thin-sliced an hour each of random conversation between the two. The study’s findings were startling: by studying that conversational thin-slice you can predict (with a 95% accuracy) who was going to divorce or not. Gottman did this by extracting patterns of behaviour–both verbal and non-verbal cues, facial expression, heart rates, and fidget counts (how often and to what extent one or both of the couples fidget in their chair). He found out that what happens in just that hour of conversation is sacramental of...

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Will Smith on Parenting (Trevor Noah Interview)

Posted by ERIC SANTILLAN on

Will Smith on Parenting (Trevor Noah Interview)

This is a beautiful (and funny!) and deep interview of Will Smith by Trevor Noah. They discuss several topics, but I’d like to highlight two important things: Losing our sense of what we SHOULD be or what we OUGHT to be (and losing our fear of other people’s expectations) is one of the greatest (and most satisfying) growths we can experience in our lives. There is a vulnerability to ageing — it starts with accepting that you cannot undo things. But also the greatest vulnerability is accepting that every person’s journey is personal — even and especially your children’s journeys!...

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Five Great Tips to Deal with The Seven Year Itch

Posted by ERIC SANTILLAN on

Five Great Tips to Deal with The Seven Year Itch

Previously, I talked about rebirths and change in another article (check that out here!). This time, I want to discuss the rebirths and changes that happen as part of being a couple — especially couples who go through and have to deal with the Seven Year Itch. What tips can help us deal with this difficult time? Life is already difficult dealing with changes yourself, what if the two of you change at the same time? Just as we are born and reborn many times over in our lives, our relationships are born and reborn many times over as well. The dynamics, for...

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